Death by Sales Pitch | When Life Insurance Gets Scary

Whenever someone says, “I’m a life insurance agent,” my survival instincts kick in. My heart races, my palms get sweaty, and suddenly I’m scanning for the nearest exit like I’m in a slasher film. Not because I don’t believe in life insurance—I do! But because I know what’s coming next: a slow, dramatic pitch designed to make me question whether I’ll live long enough to finish my Diet Coke.

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The Halloween Strategy: Fear First, Facts Later

Life insurance marketing follows the same playbook as a haunted house — step right in, get terrified, and somehow end up signing something before you find the exit.

Let’s break down their Halloween Strategy:

1. Sow Fear. They start with the classics: “What will happen to your family when you’re gone?” (Cue thunder and the faint howl of a wolf.) Your wife, your kids, your dependent parents, your dog that still thinks the couch is edible—what will they all do without you?

2. Paint a Picture of Doom. Then comes the dramatic visualization: “Picture this—you’re dead.” (No easing into it, just straight to the morgue.)Your wife and kids are standing in the rain, clutching boxes labeled “Memories,” while a bank representative changes the locks on your house. Your golden retriever is confused, sitting in a puddle, wondering who’s bringing home the kibble.

3. Parade the Grim Expenses. Next, they roll out the funeral costs like a macabre shopping list: coffin, headstone, embalming, flowers—basically, a very expensive nap. Then the bloodsuckers show up—not vampires, but taxes. They’ll take what’s left, dripping slowly from your estate like the final scene in a Dracula movie.

4. Stoke the Everyday Fears. They’ll casually remind you about rising health and education expenses. “Sure, your kid’s in kindergarten now—but have you seen the price of college?!” It’s the financial version of checking under the bed for monsters.

5. Close the Coffin (Deal). Finally, they corner you. “So, what’s stopping you from protecting your loved ones today?” There’s no exit. No safe word. Just the faint sound of your checking account weeping softly in the dark.

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💀 We All Need Life Insurance… Except

Don’t get me wrong, we all need life insurance—unless, of course:

• You’re an immortal vampire with excellent dental coverage 🧛‍♀️

• You’ve uploaded your consciousness to the cloud ☁️

• Or you’ve made a deal with a witch for eternal youth (in which case… respect).

But for the rest of us mere mortals, yes, life insurance is important. Still, must it always come wrapped in doom and gloom?

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🌈 If I Rewrote the Life Insurance Playbook…

If I were the one writing the life insurance playbook, it wouldn’t start with “Picture this, you’re dead.” It would start more like:

“Hey, life’s a wild ride. You’ve got dreams to chase, bills to pay, dogs to walk, and maybe a trip to Italy on your vision board. Life insurance isn’t about death—it’s about making sure those dreams don’t go six feet under with you.”

Imagine this instead: your kids are still in the house you worked so hard for, your spouse finally gets to take that pottery class they’ve always wanted, your parents aren’t stress-baking cookies to cope, and even your goldfish gets fed on time. That’s what peace of mind really looks like.

Life insurance, at its best, is like the world’s most responsible sidekick. It doesn’t steal the spotlight—it just stands quietly in the corner, cape fluttering, making sure your story keeps going no matter what plot twist life throws your way.

See? Hopeful, helpful, and doesn’t require a séance or a fog machine to get the point across.

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For Business Owners

Now, I’m no life insurance agent (although I was in a prior life), but if you’re a business owner, you should have a few protection spells in your book of tricks:

• Key Person Insurance: So your business doesn’t collapse if your star player gets snatched by zombies (or retires).

• Buy-Sell Agreements: To prevent your partner’s cousin, Vinny, from inheriting half your company.

• Disability and Income Protection: Because even superheroes need backup plans when life throws kryptonite their way.

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🎃 Happy Halloween (and a Little Marketing Magic)

So yes—life insurance marketing often leans too hard on fear. But fear only works when it leads to empowerment, not panic. As we carve pumpkins and watch horror flicks this Halloween, let’s take a cue from the ghosts and ghouls: it’s not about avoiding the scary stuff—it’s about being prepared when it shows up.

And if the real horror story haunting you isn’t ghosts but your marketing and branding, don’t scream—email me instead. I’ll help turn your business nightmares into success stories (no Ouija board required).

Email: debbieg@bizmadeez.com Subject line: “Help! My Marketing’s Possessed!”

Stay safe, stay spooky—and remember, the only thing scarier than bad marketing… is not having any.